My Name's Gord, and I'm an Anti-Spam Kook.

04 FEB 2004 By Gordon Fecyk, Pan-Am Internet Services

I ADMIT IT. I'm an anti-spam kook, at least according to Rhyolite Software. They are an authority on anti-spam kookiness and they've published the definitive list - a list that would make Jeff Foxworthy blush.

Here is why I am an anti-spam kook, as obviously told by the authority. I explain why in italics.

• I started looking for the Final Ultimate Solution to the Spam Problem (FUSSP) after observing that it is impossible to filter more than 99% of spam with fewer than 0.1% false positives by currently available mechanisms.
  I actually don't use much filtering but I use Outlook 2000 message rules, and the percentage is closer to 90%.
• I don't plan to make a fortune from the FUSSP, but I do expect fame as its generous and public spirited netizen inventor.
  Why else would I spend unpaid time writing an internet-draft?
• I are [sp!] deeply hurt and angry because I are [sp!] not respected as "spam fighter."
  Not to mention in debt financially because of it. Respect is a precious thing, worth more than a US$45,000/year job.
• I believe people don't see the value of the FUSSP because they have axes to grind, are jealous, or are too stupid to understand it.
  Except for the "stupid" part, all true. And I have an axe to grind myself for having my work "microsofted" from me.
• All I need to do to get the FUSSP implemented and deployed is to publish an RFC or get a law passed.
  This is only because I've asked implementors to wait. But no less true.

I need professional help. Or at least an explanation as to why I would berate myself.

NOW WHY WOULD I BERATE MYSELF with someone else's wisdom, and publicly, no less... I needed to remind myself that I'm not going to save the world from spam. There are many brilliant people working together on the same problem. These people have no intention of breaking any useful functionality of e-mail, and they realize that spam does not mean The End Of The Internet.

I've publicly stated this before: We all have egos and we all want to be known as The Guy Who Saved E-mail or The Girl Who Saved E-mail. Anyone who is working on the Final Ultimate Solution to the Spam Problem is looking for fame, money, or at least some recognition a job well done. Anyone who is working on stopping spam and not admitting that is deluded.

The list of kooks not only includes me, but the likes of Margie Arbon, Peter Popovich, Paul Vixie, Dave Rand, Steve Ballmer, Bill Gates, John Levine, Yakov Shafranovich, and the list goes on. We are all very good people, but we're all kooks. At least that's what Rhyolite Software says, because at least one item in that list applies to you if your career or hobby involves stopping junk e-mail. Something about this unwanted, postage-due intrusion into our lives and careers just does it to us.

MY FAVORITE AUTHOR HAS THE SAME PROBLEM. He calls it the Messiah Complex. Rob Rosenberger, however, freely admits it. The first step in solving a problem is admitting you have one, and once again I follow the lead of my own Messiah.

I have my own issues outside of the anti-spam industry. I even have past successes to fuel my own Messiah Complex - two travel agencies, an auction warehouse, a coin-op Internet vendor and countless home users don't get viruses, worms or spy ware because of me fixing things before the fact. I can fix many things to catch problems before the fact, so surely I have the knowledge and power to stop spam before the fact...

...see what I mean?

The first step towards solving a problem is admitting a problem exists. Right now, anti-spammers scare the bejesus out of average folks - the same people we're trying to convince that spam is bad. My name is Gord, and I'm an Anti-Spam Kook. It has been four days since my last anti-spam tirade, on my honor, so help me God(dess).

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